Shedding Light on Candles

Candles in the bedroom can be such romantic, tender props. All the lights switched off, and then only a few strategically placed candles lit to cast those dim, scented and sensuous shadows to cloak you both as love is made with sweet abandon…

Cute. But why don’t we vamp the scene up with something far more exciting and unusual?

Candles and rough sex are such great bedfellows. In fact, when it comes to alternate sex play, candles come very handy indeed. For a bit of teasing and tormenting, as well as for sensation and pain play – candles do the trick every time. They’re not pricey, they’re fun, and they’re hot – in more ways than one. Here’s how to turn on the heat with a bit of wax play.

You’ll need: Candles (of course). But which ones? There are paraffin candles which melt at very high temperature. You will also find taper candles and beeswax candles which burn even hotter than paraffin ones. However, go for the soft candles which come in glass jars and contain mineral oil if you prefer a cooler burn. They come in different colors and sizes, and even scents which can range from peppery to pomegranate. The idea is to get candles which melt at a lower temperature level and so will give you the sensation of heat without causing any actual damage.

How to, and where to: You can drip, pour or paint hot wax unto a person’s skin, and some parts of the body have more or less tolerance for heat. Having candle wax dripped on the back, for example, is typically more bearable than getting hot wax dripped over the nipple, which has far more nerves involved.

Like all themes involving pain or discomfort, this form of play can prove highly erotic. It is common practice to tie up your partner during the scene, and candle wax play can be used in combination with other themes which means more excitement for you both! Blindfolding may also increase the intensity of the moment, though some like to watch.

Too Hot to Handle: Not every one can be thick-skinned, so to speak. When you feel you can’t handle the heat, then make the wax drop from a higher distance which will decrease the temperature by around 5 degrees. It’s a choice depending on the effects you seek: warm and comforting, or scorching as fuck. However, wax play should also be safe play. People’s capacity for pain and heat differ greatly so keep that in mind and, as always, establish a safe word technique.


  • Scented candles have more heat, so if this is your first wax play, it’s best to try plain unscented candles first.
  • Candles should be dripped, not poured – about 3 feet from the chosen spot. This could be the back, ass (including the crack), belly and nipples. As you become used to the sensation, you can then get more adventurous. One way is to allow the liquid wax pool up at the top of the candle, and then move it all around the body.
  • Use some tarp or old sheets as a base to avoid damaging linen or furniture.
  • Apply Vaseline on skin prior to play, as this helps make the wax easier to remove especially for spots like the pubic area, if unshaved.
  • Heat from candles can cause second to third degree burns, which can redden and blister skin. It’s wise to keep ice around, or a damp cloth which can help contrast temperatures from hot to cool where the need arises. Burn ointment should be kept handy as well.

Published by Rosie Raphaelle

Her mission is to show women how to have fun, safe and meaningful sex. Her sex tips articles has been published in many women's magazines.

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