Vagina Worship: Dominating Role

Vagina Worship

In oral servitude or vagina worship there exist loads of play for stimulating arousal of the female genitals, involving elements of tease and denial by the female being “served”

I heard someone say once that the largest sexual organ is still the human mind and its limited only by your imagination. This has never been more true than in the here and now. Sexual boundaries are being pushed, and not only of leather-wielding, chains and dungeons variety. Ordinary couples are finding a voice and sharing with their partners those ideas that can spice up an every-day sex life.

Introducing rough sex into the relationship has helped many partners take things to a higher level of pleasure and awareness of self. Most times, adding a twist into the normal scheme of things, involves some element of “control” being practised by one partner on the other. This means that one lover leads, and the other follows/submits. It’s simply a way for couples to explore other unique levels of sexual orientation. So long as they’ve talked about it and are comfortable with it, well, they go with it.

Many couples have found that this idea of one partner “in control” of the other, brings a new edge to their lovemaking and they seek different ways to express it. And that’s where oral servitude comes in.

Oral servitude, or vagina worship, is used to describe a real or playful sexual fixation of a partner to his/her lover’s vagina. This obsession is displayed in a sexual game whereby a lover feels motivated by attraction to their partner’s vagina, to “worship” it in various ways including licking, sucking and kissing. It’s not much different from the usual cunnilingus act, only this is a more deliberate and devised form of play.

Vagina Worship: Everybody’s Happy

The female gets to have her oral desires served, whenever she chooses, and most times without returning the favor! This means all through the worship, the giver never expects to receive pleasure except what is derived from worshiping the vagina of their lover. She’s happy, so they’re happy. It’s physically one-sided but never emotionally so; the physical pleasure may come from one person, but still, the giving of pleasure has always been a joy in itself for many people during sex. They seek not their own gratification, but always that of their partner, whom they pleasure for as long as she requires.

Women have found this form of play very stimulating and exciting. The reversal of roles, in a manner, gives a kind of power rush not always found in traditional sex scenes. This time, it’s all about her vagina and not her lover’s penis. In this case, she calls all the shots involving when and how she wants her most private region to be played with and pleasured. And all her lover can do – should do, is obey!

It is very common for there to be an absence of actual sexual intercourse during this game of oral servitude. It’s focused basically on sexual arousal, in which oral pleasure is provided to the female, while denying any other contact or sexual gratification by the male/other partner.

Vagina-Worship,-The-Dominating-RoleA woman’s erotic pleasure and satisfaction is not so much different from the equally intense need of physical release of sexual arousal of the male body. In oral servitude there exist loads of play for stimulating arousal of the female genitals, involving elements of tease and denial by the female being “served”. It depends on personal situations and scenes, but this is one form of play that you can twist up any way you like. There are really no rules but there are a few suggestions you can try.

This can definitely be a preliminary play leading to sexual intercourse, and it’s a fantastic way to build up sexual tension and excitement before the act of sex itself. However, pleasuring your lover orally can also be enjoyed as an emotion on its own.

What matters is the role playing and the performance of “service” from one to the other. For this game of oral servitude the female takes a more dominating role than usual, while the other lover can be the one to serve. Meanwhile his own pleasure is limited or denied, even as he endures various stimulations derived from the encounter. It’s not so much becoming a “sex toy” though this is how it may come across.

The thing is, there’s really no need for too many “labels” or terminology during sex; you simply want to explore each other’s fantasies and bring them to life as much as you can.

Certainly when lovers decide to take a rougher edge to their sex acts, it’s more for expression rather than the need to cause pain or dominate. It goes far deeper than that; a means to quicken emotions as you share more and more of your most hidden desires.

There are limits and guidelines to be respected at all times which is reassuring for the lover reluctant to try something new or unusual. There’s absolutely nothing wrong in being intrigued with introducing certain elements of sexual variation to lovemaking, as taking part in such roles strengthen bonds and breaks down barriers between partners.

Get curious, imaginative and more accommodating towards sex as a whole and you’ll be pleasantly surprised on the long run.

So, exactly what should a man expect when his partner expects or wants to introduce oral servitude to the picture? Could he possibly envisage being helplessly bound while being achingly teased and tempted to just at the point of release?

Maybe he looks forward as well, to his lover squatting or sitting over his face while he’s thus bound and then forced to provide oral service? As the male he’d of course expect to submit to all sorts of demands which involve serving his partner orally. It’s all about pampering and catering to her needs with the use of your tongue and lips, never holding back or showing any sign of reluctance or tiredness. In fact, putting up a show of actually being joyous to serve is all part of the vagina worship scene being played out.

The great aspect of it all is, it can be switched up and then the female is then made to service her lover orally according to his wishes. There may or may not be the need to be tied up or bound although this also has the appeal of making/compelling the server to perform the service. Whatever works, that’s the motto.

Total Power Exchange Rough Sex

Total Power Exchange

Total power exchange, like many forms of rough sex and alternative erotic play, is great for enhancing sexual and emotional activity in a relationship.

Thanks to the advancement of ideas and perceptions, people are finding new and exciting ways of expressing sexual freedom as well as finding inner validation especially with that special person in their life. It feels great when partners discover unique means of healthy erotic exploration, which opens up new doors in their sexual journey as a couple.

Now partners involved in everyday relationships can spice things up with elements of rough sex as well as role playing of different kinds. And they can do this with no feelings of guilt or shame for acting out their deepest, wildest fantasy especially with that willing and supportive partner.

Sex and empowerment are two interlocking cells especially with certain couples who like to “define” their roles. Who’s in charge, and who submits? The subject of total power exchange, or erotic power exchange as it is sometime called, is not restricted only to partners in the more involved bondage practice. In fact, you don’t even have to be into those kinds of things at all to be involved in bit of power play.

Couples thinking of getting into rough sex as a whole new way to channel their erotic fantasies or simply to explore will feel comfortable trying out total power exchange. It could possible that a partner may be interested in discovering adventurous ways of sexual expression, might feel guilty of or shamed by these inner desires, and would hesitate to share with or suggest such new ideas of erotic play with their regular partner. Total power exchange between couples is a great way to springboard your introduction to rough sex.

If you’re having feelings of uncertainty toward your partner, or there is a lack of communication about sexual matters, maybe it’s time you start to gently ease him or her into the idea that rough sex would be great for your relationship. It’s all about mutual benefit so it follows that if your lover finds out there’s plenty pleasure to go round, then he/she would be happy to join in!

So what is total power exchange, and how can it be used to develop your erotic and sexual escapades?

Starting up on total power exchange, couples should first strive to get through barriers and past notions which can hinder you both from having sexual experiences which are maximized as well as safe.

This is not to say that couples have to try everything; there are some kinds of sexual outlets which you may find appealing or have even fantasied about, while there are some that will repel you with the very idea. Partners, lovers, couples will do well to clarify interests and make up their minds what kind relationship they have.

Is it one that’s sexually bold and open to new experiences or one where one or both parties like to keep it simple and traditional, and “normal”? If you and your partner find you are ever ready to spark up your sex life with fresh ideas and charged-up themes then you just might be interested in total power exchange.

This kind of relationship speaks for itself really: it’s the utter and complete giving of oneself up to the pleasure of another. This exchange occurs between two persons and gives the power holder the control to do anything and at any time, and the other party can’t do anything about it. Why would two people wish to enter such an “arrangement” or exchange?

It’s certainly an extreme form of play whereby a lot of trust is required so that there is no chance of the power being abused. Is it for everyone? Maybe not. Many don’t really understand the part where someone’s only focus is to please their partner, putting everything at their disposal. It involves virtually putting one’s life in the hands of another and letting their control permeate all aspects of everyday living such as finances, job and even appearance.

Some sexual relationships already have some sort of inter-dependency elements anyway. This involves making the other party’s pleasure your only true interest, so that you’d be willing to drop everything just to be there to make that person happy. It could also simply involve asking a partner’s permission to do this or that. So in truth it’s not really much of a big deal for some couples to work out a power exchange theme to switch things up sexually.

People who are deeply committed and trustworthy are great for this kind of relationship. It needs to be talked out and discussed at length as you decide just what you’re ready to give up completely. Everything should be spelled out carefully but in an open-minded manner. You need to let each other know how you truly feel about it.

Total-Power-Exchange-Rough-SexSince total power exchange gives absolute powers then it’s only proper that you do it for all the right reasons. Are you interested simply because it puts someone at your complete disposal especially for sex? Or is it for giving a feeling of security, responsibility and care to another? A partner shouldn’t give in to the urge of turning the other partner into some kind of sex doll. And neither should the controlled partner become a mindless shell but should be free to give opinions and be expressive throughout the scene.

Total power exchange is a gift that offers as much a mental as well as physical connection for both partners. In essence, they stop being a “couple” but act as two parts of a whole. They seek deeper levels of security and permanence that aren’t found in traditional relationships. In fact every part of their lives, including their thoughts and deeds, reflects the existence of a total power exchange.

This is indeed a formidable feat for both partners to embark on at any level. It takes a very long period to build up the trust required. Partners must be strong and independent themselves before they can consider relinquishing or accepting such from another.

Partners can enjoy the erotic elements of total power exchange without actually making it a way of life. It’s simply a great opportunity to expand a conventional sex life. In the real sense of the word, this kind of exchange does not give room for safewords as it gives absolute power. It involves a system of negotiated co-dependence and partners in mainstream relationships can enjoy the relevant components and need not turn it into a lifestyle.

For those who live it, it is not merely related to sex, and can either be a give-and-take arrangement or something more total where one controls everything from the way the partner eats, sleeps, works to using the bathroom!

Total power exchange can be a lot of things to the adventurous couple; however a balance must be struck so that no resentment ensues. It is a highly romantic environment where deep love is meant to be practiced and total trust displayed. This in no way turns one partner into a doormat nor makes the other a “god” in the relationship; partners definitely remain vulnerable to each other.

Couples tend to restrict total power exchange to the bedroom where one partner is allowed to make all the decisions for the duration of the session. There really is no textbook guide to this and partners basically work out what they find stimulating and exciting as they exchange as much or as little control as they wish.

With total power exchange one partner in a relationship can give in to the fantasy of being “owned”, which is a huge turn on for a lot of people. It may involve being sexually enslaved or controlled but this is meant only for as long as the play lasts. Behind closed doors, lovers feel free to explore the elements of absolute power exchange.

Introduction to Orgasm Denial and Control

Orgasm Denial

A couple who want to explore new fields of erotic expression could consider orgasm denial. This intensely erotic sex game is indeed most suitable to two people who know and understand each other well. They should be familiar with one another’s limits and strengths. Because frankly, you can’t control what you have no true knowledge of. And this sexual practice is all about control. It has both strongly physical as well as psychological elements, which makes for maximized sexual tension in the bedroom.

Some say orgasm denial is an acquired skill. Apart from having an intimate knowledge of each other, you also have to actually know what you’re doing – the when and how. Because too little or too much, and too soon or too late, will not give the desired result and could ruin it all. For orgasm denial or orgasm control to be effective, you have to know your own body as well as your partner’s, and how one responds to certain stimulation and at what range.

What Does Orgasm Denial Entail?

Orgasm denial or orgasm control goes two ways. It can involve a lot of sexual frustration: one partner’s orgasm is controlled by another, who provides a high level of sexual stimulation/arousal for a continuous period without allowing said controlled partner to reach orgasm (though it is allowed eventually). On the other hand, a partner can also exert control by subjecting the controlled partner to multiple orgasms continuously.

Sometimes, a couple can decide to dabble in both. Stimulate, stop, stimulate. And then stimulate to the point of orgasm after which, it starts all over again. And when orgasm is reached, the controlled partner is put through it all as many more times and with many more orgasms as possible. In orgasm denial, the partner never gets to orgasm at all from stimulation, and can be left in that condition for days, weeks and even more as the play is continued over time. Both orgasm denial and control have one thing in common: to create the need for sexual relief. However, such relief is not finally afforded within the practice of orgasm denial.

Many believe orgasm denial to be unhealthy and suggest that a lover should not be denied orgasm for more than a week. I don’t usually enjoy telling couples what is or is not right to do, as sex is personal and based on your mutual understanding. However I’m all for safe practice in all forms of rough sex especially with ordinary couples who are exploring new experiences.

Let’s face it; couples tease each other all the time. So orgasm control is not that novel or exotic. It can be very technical however so it works best when there’s been loads of practice and it’s being carried out by a long-term couple.

The scenario is not so hard to imagine. One partner stimulates the other in gradual phases, using any kinds of means (sex toys, oral or even intercourse). Through this the controlled partner is brought to the phase where an orgasm is built up – only for the level of stimulation to be lessened or removed. Ouch! The feeling of “almost there” is suspended mid-completion, as the controlling partner varies intensity of stimulation, whether fast, slow, hard or soft.

Orgasm Denial and Orgasm Control
Orgasm Denial and Orgasm Control: Keep the partner wanting it, and about to but not quite getting it.

The goal: keep the partner wanting it, and about to but not quite getting it. Until you want them to, of course. It’s the ultimate sexual control game, because it centers on very strong urges: arousal, followed by need for release. This makes for a lot of potent play in the bedroom.

Taking a lover to that “plateau” state of orgasm suspension involves being able to read and correctly interpret their responses throughout the scene. Are they close? Or are they too far gone? Do I need to rev things up some more to get them just hanging off the edge? With time, the partner under control will have such an overpowering urge to orgasm that when it is finally achieved, it is much more explosive than normal. This is thanks to the intensified and extended arousal period allowed to accumulate before it’s finally gratified.

Trust and communication are very vital to this practice. Giving someone else a complete control over your sexual release requires a truly intimate bond. Some partners get so well practiced performing this play on their lovers that in time they become even better at stimulating a person’s orgasms than the person themselves.

Of course, during all this time the passive partner is undergoing powerful sexual sensations, and being put through prolonged arousal is quite tasking physically. This may drive the controlled partner to seek self-gratification. To prevent this there may be the need for restraints of some sort. The passive partner can be tied up to prevent them from touching themselves. Otherwise, simply putting up a total ban on it will be sufficient for a very obedient partner. However, if you want to take things up a notch then there are “chastity” devices for both sexes and are suitable for the duration of the activity.

This practice is one of the safest you can embark on while participating in rough sex. No one can really get hurt from orgasm denial or orgasm control, although the denial aspect cannot be considered wholesome for a normal couple just wanting a bit of spice in their normal sex life. You wouldn’t want to overdo anything and probably just want to keep things restricted to the duration of sexual activity and then return to everyday living.

The point is, ordinary couples love great sex too and will want to explore some wild and wicked ideas! The great thing about starting on orgasm denial or orgasm control is that you don’t really need new toys, dressing up or technique. It could be as simple as having intercourse with a partner and then withdrawing just when he/she is on the brink of orgasm. Or it could involve pleasuring your partner orally or manually and then continuously stopping at the point when the partner is on the very edge of release. Or if you wish to ramp it up, have your partner tied up (you can use silk stockings) and then stimulate him or her over an extended period without allowing relief through orgasm. And then as a reward for being so good, you may then give the go-ahead and finally bring things to a climax, so to speak. This scenario takes a lot of patience and can be as simple or complicated as you wish.

Controlling orgasms through teasing and delay is a powerful tool for creating super-charged sexual situations. It can go on for hours, and there’s bound to be lots of begging as the controlled partner tries to convince you to allow them to find release. Hopefully you aren’t going to give in so easily! Orgasm denial and orgasm control is one way to lead each other into a new sexual lifestyle that’s both delightful and satisfying. The passion, ardor and romance will be rekindled as you take on more erotic escapades and adventures.

Introduction to Aftercare

Aftercare

Painful or traumatic experiences are not the only times people need to have some kind of help given afterwards, to allow them heal and deal with what they’ve been through. Even in relationships, and between couples who engage in rough sex and other kinds of intense erotic activity, there is definitely the need for some form of aftercare in order to help bring them back to earth, so to speak.

Aftercare is a process which two partners will find necessary from time to time. Whether you’re practicing in sex that’s mild or wild, you’ll both require those moments post-coitus that’s sure to affirm your emotional bonds. Aftercare involves the couple tending to one another especially when they need to process a just-completed sexual experience which may have taken a lot from them physically and psychologically.

Truth be told, certain acts of lovemaking can be draining, and even extreme enough to exhaust the participants’ energies in a physical, mental as well as emotional manner. Some partners, after this experience may wish to just be left to rest and recover.

However, it has been shown to be more advisable to provide one or both of the partakers to whatever comfort, reassurance and support that may be required. For some people, it can be very hard to come down from such an erotic high given by certain sexual activity. There may be that feeling of exhilaration, fulfillment, which can easily turn into a feeling of being traumatized especially when reality sets in.

Simply picture yourself partaking in a long played out scene of intense pleasure, whereby there is an increase of both hormonal as well as chemical reactions within your body. There’s adrenalin pumping through your veins, while you get so into it that you may even reach a state of total lack of clarity. Then imagine trying to come down from that! The nervous system is put under a lot of strain of ups and downs, which is sure to leave some in not just a state of fatigue, but confusion as well.

With care, patience and attention, one partner can provide means for the other to come back down naturally from that blissful peak. This way, you can both get refreshed and ready to face the day and the world.

Aftercare can be Vital

There is the mistaken notion that aftercare is only for scenes involving hardcore sexual practices of the chains and whips range. Not true. Vanilla couples engage in rough sex time and again, and these involve many highly charged sessions of erotic play which can take them right to the edge.

In these cases, normal couples have seen the importance of monitoring one another’s reactions by the end of such scenes. This is especially true where there were some periods of play in which you find you or your partner have drifted away, caught up in the heat and power of the moment. These periods have been likened many times to that ‘high’ provided by alcohol or drugs.

You don’t really know what’s going on- you don’t really even care. All that matters is the deep, forceful, blissful place you’re in that you never want to let go of. That’s until you come crashing down – which is where aftercare comes in.

Couples who share a deep compassion and interest in each other’s welfare will find aftercare to be vital to a relationship where rough sex plays a key function in the bedroom. Vanilla couples can’t be described as “ordinary” or normal anymore; such partners are finding ways to explore new erotic horizons which are both safe and thrilling. But then they still take the time out to show affection and care especially after the completion of one profound scene or the other.

There’s no doubt that we all need care and attention from our partners after sex to give that feeling of being cherished and appreciated. If not, one or both of the lovers gets to feel used, unimportant or deprived in some way. This destroys and negates what ever joyful experience you both shared beforehand, and that’s too bad. When a lover simply rolls over after the act and falls asleep or leaves the room to go on to some other matter of interest, this can have a negative effect.

In its simplest form, aftercare can just be you taking the time to linger on, giving your partner that needed feeling of security till they can finally handle being left on their own. Sharing passionate levels of intimacy with another person, no matter how close, can easily leave one feeling vulnerable when the act is done.

One may feel the need to then put up former barriers and walls to protect against too much emotional exposure. To avoid this, partners should form a nurturing atmosphere which provides support and a sense of belonging.

Balancing sex and love in a relationship can prove to be quite challenging. Some partners need reassurance almost every step of the way during lovemaking, so why not after? There may be occasions during sex with your partner that you feel you may be giving too much of yourself away.

You offer up parts of yourself that you’ve probably never shared with anyone else, stripping away many of your most personal defenses. This may give you the feeling that perhaps, you opening up in ways that may somehow, be used against you by an unworthy lover.

To maintain mutual integrity, either partners must help each other find their own individual inner strength, especially when the sexual scene has taken both of them places they have never explored before. Rough sex involves a lot of giving as well as taking and there is the need to have that principle of aftercare which should become part of their sexual routine.

Aftercare Tips

A little hugging goes a long way; embracing your partner is always a powerful tool of affection. There’s a mutual benefit as both can feel a bond brought on by the close contact that is not necessarily sexual. Gentle, soothing kissing and cuddly, even tender words of endearment and encouragement can help with aftercare.

In some cases, even performing an erotic act such as oral sex on the male or female is highly soothing especially when done in a calming manner. Even feeding your partner some chocolate has been known to be a great means of aftercare since chocolate is known to help the quick release of endorphin.

Introduction to Light Bondage

Light Bondage

Never mind the images which come to your mind whenever you hear the word “bondage”; it has now come to mean different things to different people. For that couple wishing to try something new and exciting with less of the leather and chains and more of the fun and games, then light bondage promises plenty of fun and loads of games.

If this is the first time you and your partner are dabbling into a light form of bondage, it’s important to know the basics which are probably all you’ll actually need. The most important elements to consider are the presence of mutual consent, trust and communication (CTC). Long-term couples are the best type to embark on the journey of going beyond their normal sexual limits, because they’ve built up enough understanding over time.

The great thing about light bondage is that there are really no rules and anyone can be in charge. There’ll be plenty of switching of roles as the male as well as female partner take turns to be in control of what ever bondage scene is chosen.

Light Bondage:

Restraints

Common “tools” required to get started in light bondage will include stockings, scarves or even his ties. These are great as restraints, a main aspect of bondage, and especially useful if the female decides to tie her lover to the bed and have her wicked way with him. Since men are supposed to be the weaker half then imagine the thrill of having him completely under your power and unable to resist when you tease and tempt him with your lips, hands or body. And on the flip side, the woman can put up some mock resistance and find herself restrained with her own stockings tied around her ankles and wrists leaving her exposed and helpless against her ravisher. In both cases either lover gets to submit to the other who’s playing the lead role. Bondage, even light ones, is only ever fun if there’s some kind of “power play” so keep that in mind!

Blindfolds

These are a nice touch with or without tying your partner up as well. It’s the ultimate feature in bondage play for the everyday couple. Blindfold him/her with a dark piece of cloth and find out what happens when you cut off the sense of sight. And if you want to deprive them of any other sensory abilities, then do it! Ear plugs, nose pegs…explore this kind of play and build up the erotic suspense.

Spanking

Laying your hand on your partner in any other situation may well be considered a no-no. But in light bondage, a bit of spanking will never be amiss. In fact, this is one feature of bondage that many “normal” couples find so easy to make a part of their light bondage scene. Done traditionally with the hand on the bottom will add more spark than sting for that couple who’re tough enough to give and take it. Some partners, especially male, may hesitate to bring in any kind of physical violence into the bedroom. But hey, if she really, really wants it, and shows you she’s comfortable with the idea, then oblige her – and if possible, ask her to return the favour.

Safewords

Perhaps the only actual rule you’ll have to worry about in light bondage play is the use of safe words. You may both have just started fooling around and so far, everything is going as planned. You’re securely tied to the bed and he gets out the feather to run up and down your back, then moves on to use some ice cubes to trace around your nipples and get them hard and tingly. By now you’re shivering with delight and wondering what he’ll think up next. Well, this time he’s lit up the candle and drips some wax on your skin and at first it’s something you think you can handle. You flinch as the first ten drops land on your back and tell yourself, well it’s not so bad, the sensations are different and thrilling and he’s your lover so you trust him not to hurt you too much. But then perhaps you’ve also been blindfolded, so you feel all the more helpless and exposed. This is still all too new to you both psychologically and physically and you suddenly decide you want it to stop. At once.

So what do you do?

Blindfolds Light BondageIf you both were careful enough to discuss the ways in which you can communicate to each other that you want the play to end, then you’ll be fine. A random, otherwise meaningless word or term will suffice as a safe word, or for safe signals, you may have chosen to use a few quick taps of your hand or the ringing of a small bell. And no, you can’t simply say “stop” and expect it to work, especially not if you were both experimenting with some rough sex involving resistance play where the word “no” has already been used over and over again as part of the game.

To avoid confusion and potentially dangerous outcomes, always have safe-words which are nonsexual and easy to identify as such. That way, you can ensure that when the fun stops, then the game must stop, as well.

Getting rougher in the bedroom is meant to bring out your wild side and take you both to the next level of mutual awareness. Indulging in light bondage has been known to build intimacy and trust as you both expand your erotic territories. Allowing yourself to surrender completely to your partner involves total commitment in order for it to work.

Bondage might be a game but it’s best played right or not at all. So if you want things to get nasty and extremely naughty, wouldn’t it be all the more fulfilling if it’s with a lover who cherishes and understands your deepest needs?

Why is the inclusion of light bondage so enjoyable and rewarding?

Entering into the world of bondage and domination in its simplest form is all the more thrilling because it seems unconventional and very, very wicked. For that good-couple-gone-bad it’s the best way to start a brand new adventure involving exciting roles of dominance side by side with submission. If he wants to be your sex slave for the night, by all means let him, and show him who’s boss as you treat him to some orgasm control.

You hold off his release as long as you dare, and drive him wild with your teasing antics as you bring him close to his peak time and again. And then watch him explode when you finally give the green light! As for her, keep her nice and sweet with some nipple clamps and watch her squirm as you add a little weight to the ends.

The sensation of those nerve-ends of pleasure being tugged at will be a great way to pull her strings and make her squeal with delight. Change things up every night and you’ll see why light bondage will always be a favorite for that discerning couple.

Female Rape Fantasies

Rape Fantasy

It’s okay to have rape fantasies. It’s just a fantasy, it doesn’t hurt anyone, it’s enjoyable, and you’re certainly not lending credence to actual rape.

I’ve just finished reading an academic article by Critelli and Bivona in which the authors look into explanations for why women might have rape fantasy. As Critelli and Bivona note, rape fantasies don’t seem to make sense because the experience of rape itself is utterly horrible. They also note that researchers have tended to avoid the question, possibly through fear of seeming to endorse rape or imply that women really want to be raped.

One question that has come up in our reading has been women wanting to know what is “wrong” with them because they have rape fantasies, and men freaking out that their sexual partner has opened up about having these fantasies.

While Critelli and Bivona don’t give a definitive answer as to why women have rape fantasies, they do cover some of the evidence about what rape fantasies don’t mean about the women who have them.

Critelli and Bivona found that “between 31% and 57% of women have fantasies in which they are forced into sex against their will (p. 57)”, typically involving “an attractive male overcome with passion who uses mild to moderate force to overcome her nonconsent (p. 66)”. So right off the bat that indicates that having these fantasies is actually quite normal.

Female Rape Fantasies: as long as you’re not hurting anyone

Some people tend to claim that having rape fantasies indicates that a woman is somehow pathological, or she must be working through a previous experience of rape. Critelli and Bivona found that the evidence supporting these claims was also lacking, stating that “nearly all current researchers disagree with [the pathological sexuality] position (p. 67)”, and that “women with rape fantasies are not more likely than other women to have experienced actual rape (p. 64).” The take home message here is that having rape fantasies doesn’t mean a woman is broken or messed up. You can even be a good feminist and have rape fantasies, because “women who espouse feminist beliefs are just as likely to have fantasies of forced sex as are other women (p. 65).”

A lot of women feel guilty about their sexuality, and even more so if their tastes run to the more hardcore end of the spectrum. Rape fantasy may well be one of the most stigmatized types of fantasy. Given the stigma, it’s understandable why women may be freaking out when they discover rape fantasy turns them on. But it’s okay to have these fantasies. It’s just a fantasy, it doesn’t hurt anyone, it’s enjoyable, and you’re certainly not lending credence to actual rape.

Ladies, as long as you’re not hurting anyone, you should feel free to enjoy your sexuality regardless of what form it takes.

Using Household Objects in the Bedroom – Sex Toys Alternative

Candles Household Sex Toys Alternative

Household objects can be a fantastic rough sex resource or good sex toys alternative which means you don’t need to be the collar and cuffs type to find alternative ways to enjoy rough sex.

Inside the bedroom is one of the best places to be creative and innovative. Why? Because for something that you’re going to be doing over and over and most times with the same person over a long period, then lovemaking has got to be fun. This could involve adding some spice into your otherwise normal sexual life with the aid of a few new elements like role play and the use of props. That said, you don’t need to start worrying about how fast you can get to the nearest sex-toy shop. Most times, you’ve already got your props and toys all around you.

One or both partners can get to that point in the relationship that they require something more, and so introduce rough sex into the mix. It’s great when that happens as this is one sure way to bring extra excitement into everyday lovemaking. And now, even with all the fancy and expensive gadgets and gear which go so well in the bedroom, here are one or a few things you could find in the kitchen or bathroom cupboard which will also work perfectly as instruments of sex…

Lovers have used household objects during sex for ages and have never thought twice about it first. Today we have things from the tame ice cubes and silk scarves (as blindfolds and restraints) to the more adventurous and rough-playing pegs as nipple clamps and candle wax for some hot sensation play… With a little imagination and a lot of dedication to detail, you can turn that sensual sex scene into something mind blowing and memorable.

When you both want to experiment and go a step further in your pleasure play, it’s only right that you may wish to start off with familiar objects you see all the time in your day-to-day living. Your partner just might feel less reluctant about trying out your unusual sex game if it involves one or two common and virtually harmless household items.

So which household items make the pick? If, like many couple out there, you’re considering rough sex but on a budget, then maybe you should start looking more closely around at the stuff lying round in the house. Also, when ever you’re at the hardware store or walking past the pet shop it’s a good idea to keep your eyes peeled for potential fun tools for your erotic play. People have also found invaluable sex aids in the local convenience store which sometimes never cost more than a dollar or two.

Before you start to rummage through the cupboards and shelves looking for those helpful little objects, you may first want to consider what you can use them for. Rough sex involves many aspects and each kind of game requires certain kinds of aids. For sensation play you’ll need things which provide heat or cold as well as other sensations. And then if you’re into blindfolds, paddling, whipping or a bit of pain play, then there’re certainly more than a few household objects which can do the trick.

Household Objects  – Sex Toys Alternative

Clothes pegs – Your very own home-ready nipple clamps. What they are used instead of: those costly online-store or sex shop nipple clamps. Also known as clothes pins, they can be clamped to other interesting body parts which when left on for longer periods, make the sensations all the more intense.

Fly-fishing rods – these double up as very handy whips for the odd sensuous flogging. Simply remove the feeder rings meant for the fishing line. They don’t come with reels and have three collapsible sections which mean you can just pop it into your hand bag as you’re off on that hot date…

Large wooden spatulas as paddles – yep, those innocuous kitchen utensils such as wooden spoons can make for great paddles during spanking. The point of these household objects is to give the same effect as using the real rough sex gear and these spoons do quite a good job for bouncing bums or balls! Other great paddles are the flat wooden hair brushes: innocent stuff but good to teach your lover a lesson when they’ve been naughty! Butter knives, forks can also be useful, perhaps for use to “threaten” your partner with especially during role play (e.g. ravishment)
The feather duster will do more than pick off dust and dirt by the time it does some time in the bedroom. Any household item with feathers and a handle will feel nice and tickly running down the back or sole of the foot or on more sensitive zones such as the genitals.

Candles – these are a firm favorite. They can virtually be used on any part of the body and are indispensable during any kind of sensation play. They don’t need to have any special color or scent; just keep it simple but sizzling! Use them to drip hot wax on your partner’s body, and if you both are trying it for the first time, try and drip it from a distance not too close to the skin as this increased distance will reduce the temperature of the wax. Other safety tips to remember while using candles is to never leave them burning unattended or close to anything that can catch fire. Also avoid dripping on to clothes or linen as it’s hard to get off fabric.

Furniture – you never know when that nice sturdy chair, stool or even table will come in handy. Your partner can be made to kneel on the floor facing a chair while you apply the wooden spoon (mentioned above) for some spanking.
So now that you and your partner have embarked on that breath-stealing highway trip into rough sex and are wondering what you should have packed inside your goodie bag, then use your ordinary household objects. Make sure you watch out for health and safety, and also using the right technique is important, especially if there’s going to be any insertion of objects going on. Having good knowledge of human anatomy and what can or can not be poked up or into someone will help you both have a pleasurable session without the pain (well, at least just enough of it to keep things spiced up).

We know that there are some vital sex toys you can only expect to find in a sex shop. Thanks to the power of technology one can always find some state-of-the-art and very satisfying sex gear. However, there’re endless possibilities if you simply want ingenious, everyday tools that don’t cost a load of cash but still play a satisfactory role in your bedroom. Using household objects for your rough sex games can turn that night-time routine into a wild and wicked romp. It’s a healthy way to explore each other’s deepest fantasies and relive the hot excitement of that initial time you both met or fell in love.

Household objects can be a fantastic rough sex resource which means you don’t need to be the collar and cuffs type to find alternative ways to enjoy sex. Simply focus on what makes you and your partner comfortable. Also, discuss with each other about those little additions to your sexual fun and games that you feel will work best for you.

Rough Sex: Why Safe Words are a Good Idea

Rough Sex Safe Words

A friend of mine is dating a young lady who likes rough sex. So far, so good, but she categorically refuses to use safe words. She says she doesn’t need them, and that they’re ‘lame and boring’.

I’m not going to go over the obvious reasons as to why safe words are a good idea; that line of reasoning isn’t going to convince someone with that sort of attitude.Rather, let me give you an analogy about ropes.

That image was a rather clever misdirection on my part, as I’m not going to be talking about bondage at all. My analogy will actually be about using a rope while rock climbing.

I’m an avid fan of climbing. It’s healthy, fun, and makes you sexy (at least if you’re a guy). It’s also dangerous, which is where the ropes come in. With the right rope set up, a fall from 20m above the ground doesn’t have to be fatal. Mistakes still happen, and people still get hurt, but the likelihood that a climber will end up in a heap at the bottom of the cliff is greatly reduced by the use of a rope.

The relevance of this to rough sex is that the use of a rope allows a climber to climb higher and more difficult climbs than otherwise they would feel confident to. Without a rope, I wouldn’t climb higher than a few meters, and even then I’d want a big cushion below me. With a rope, I’ll climb stories high. I’ll also climb more difficult walls, including ones which I’m not sure I can do. If a mistake meant death, I’d be so conservative a climber that there would be no point. With a rope I can push my boundaries without fearing the ultimate consequence.

Safe Words: Rough Sex’s Extra Layer

Similarly, having a safe word actually lets you push things harder and more extreme than you otherwise would. With a safe word you can push your partner’s boundaries with the knowledge that the likelihood of things going wrong is minimized. Of course, mistakes can still happen, but a safe word acts as an extra layer of defense against them.

Here’s a hypothetical example. Imagine a girl who wants to slap her partner around fairly thoroughly. In the absence of a safe word, the girl has to wonder at each turn whether she can really push it further, and may stop at a certain level of intensity because she assumes her partner couldn’t handle any more. With a safe word, she can test the waters. If a harder slap or a deeper scratch doesn’t elicit a “Yellow!” or “Red!”, she can go even harder. If a safe word does come out, at least she knows the limit of how hard she can push that kind of play, rather than being doomed to idly wonder if she could do more.

Safe words aren’t there to kill the fun. They are there to elicit the fun.Without a safe word, the boundary is invisible. Safe words explicitly demarcate the boundary of what is acceptable, allowing you to play as you wish within those boundaries without having to worry about what happens if you accidentally go too far. Outsource your anxiety to the safe word, cast aside all the bullshit of everyday life, and fall into a session of deeply explorative and amazing rough sex.

How to Initiate Rough Sex and Tumble as a Woman

Initiate Rough Sex

Let’s face it; guys don’t really want a woman who’s docile between the sheets. Being tame is kind of, well, lame! Whether it’s a long term relationship or a one-night stand, there comes a time when a little rough sex play goes a long way. When a woman shows a man her wild side and lets him know she’s more she-devil than angel, that’s one way to let him know she’s a keeper.

If you’re a woman who’s not afraid to take charge, initiate rough sex, get down and dirty, then incorporate a few of these tough love techniques with your main squeeze.

Initiate Rough Sex: Pain Play

He’s all hard and rearing to go – but this time, you’re not going to let him make all the moves. Take the bold step and initiate the kiss with some can’t-wait mouth action. Crush your mouth and your body against him so he can feel every soft, giving curve. Then sink your fingers in his hair and tug hard while you’re swapping tongue and lip locking. Pulling on his hair is usually going to cause him pain, but if he’s as turned on already as he should be, it’ll actually be pleasurable as well. That’s due to all those nerve endings in his scalp translating into feel-good endorphin so at that point he wouldn’t really mind if you uproot a lock or two (kidding!).

Now show him some of your tigress moves; rake your long, sharp nails up and down his back, deep enough to make ridges. He’s going to feel them really bad the next day but right then, it’s such a freaking turn on. Men’s skin is usually less delicate than women’s which means you can put him through a lot more torture than you could a woman. Oral Servitude Now shove him on the bed. At this point he’s in such a frenzy that he’s not going to mind when you wrench his wrists above his head and bind them with a scarf. He’s more or less helpless and has to do what you tell him. So you slide slowly, slowly up his writhing body dropping a few kisses and bites along the way (remember, a little pain is good). Chew hard on his nipples and wring on them with your fingers; men’s nipples are just as responsive as a females and they love a bit of a nibble too. But enough of the petting – you’ve got work for him to do.

Oral Servitude

Placing your knees on either side of his ears, you grind your honeypot unto his face, hard. He’ll have no other choice but to dutifully lick and lap at your melting core. Let’s face it, his hands are tied (literally). So don’t be shy, put him through some serious face-sitting and smother him in your feminine juices. He’ll love every second of it.

Orgasm Control/Denial

Since he’s been a good lad so far, it’s time to reward him with some reciprocal attention. Turn round so that this time your face is directed at his crotch, then bend to take him in your mouth. You’re both practically in the soixante-neuf position so while he’s feasting on you, do the same for him. Don’t hesitate to grab his shaft in a strong pumping motion; from all accounts men love a firm grip so squeeze as hard as you want but treat his balls with a lot more sensitivity. Give him a good blow but don’t let him get too carried away. The aim is to get him as close to exploding as possible, but then stopping just at the right time to keep it from happening. No, you’re not going to let him get release till you’re good and ready. Make him beg for it. Tease him with long licks and deep throat him as much as you dare. If you know his body that well you’ll know when he’s close to breaking point. Keep stopping just as you sense he’s very close to the edge.

He’s probably half out of his mind by now but you aren’t done yet. Now it’s time to have your wicked way with him, climbing on top then riding him hard and fast. Keep the pace steady and long and don’t let up until you sense he’s getting close again. Keep teasing him to that plateau stage then slowing down so he doesn’t get to find release. You can play with your breasts and clit while he’s there tied and unable to touch you. Depriving him from getting his hands on you is such a sweet torture, especially when he sees your hands sliding in places his should be.

Leading into a Good Rough Sex

When you’re sure he’s been through enough torment, untie his wrists then drive him even more wild as you command him to take you from behind. And tell him to not be gentle. Once he starts to pound into you make sure you take an active role by moving your pelvis back into him in perfect unison with him as he plunges into you again and again, till there’s that slapping sound as your bodies collide. And if he spanks your bottom hard more than a few times, you can’t complain because now it’s his turn to punish you.

He likes a bit of rough too and he’ll be tugging at your hair, making you arch your back as he pulls strongly. Hopefully you’re the vocal type so keep telling him how hot he makes you feel and how much you love the rough handling. He’s dragged you back by your hair till your lips get to lock with his even while he’s slamming into you from behind. You’re almost twisted in half but you love it as you kiss him back just as hard. He’s pushed in balls deep and all the build-up of excitement will surely lead this wild and wicked rough sex session to its logical and satisfactory conclusion.

Aftercare

Kiss and cuddle when the storm has passed and tell each other sweet, soothing nothings. Share some tender moments to balance out the hot and fiery blast of passion you both just indulged in. And sometimes, in the process, these gentle acts of affection and attention can set you both off for another go on the roller-coaster.

Blow Job Tips for Beginners

Blow Job Tips for Beginners

Blow job can be very daunting if you don’t know what you are doing but armed with these simple tricks you can blow your man away.

Blow Job Tips

If you’re worried about the smell – suggest a sexy shower or bath together first before blow job. Get a fist full of shower gel and wank as you wash! The slippery sensation of the gel will feel amazing on his penis. Give it a good rinse and you’re ready to go.

Approach the area slowly – don’t just dive into it head first so to speak. You want to work up a little anticipation: run your tongue down his belly, the area just between the hip and pelvis can be very sensitive. Run your tongue down and back up his inner thigh – he will be gasping with anticipation at this point.

Tease him with a few licks – as you work towards his penis try a few gentle flicks on the end of his penis. Run your tongue from the base of the shaft to the tip with a flick of the tongue on the end. The area on the shaft just below the head (the corona) is a real hot spot, flick your tongue sideways across.

Try the silken swirl – run your tongue around the head of the penis in a circular motion – think ice cream cone. If you can combine this circular motion blow job whilst gently sliding the penis into your mouth he will be in heaven.

Pulse suck – start out by flicking the head with your tongue then insert between your lips (make sure lips are well moistened) and alternate between soft and hard sucks – think of a Chupa Chups Lolly. Then pulse your sucking and slide the head in and out of your lips whilst sucking hard. Irresistible blow job.

Practise your ball skills – not many women realizes how sensitive and pleasurable the testicles are. Start the blow job by licking and circling with your tongue. The vertical line between the scrotal sac is very sensitive: flick up and down with your tongue. Slip one testicle in your mouth and very gently suck in a pulsing motion. All men differ on how much pressure they like on their balls – you can judge his reaction as to how much to apply. Don’t forget the perineum (the area between his balls and anus) this is a super hot spot, try licking or stroking with your finger to send him into orbit.

Stop him thrusting hard down your throat – hold onto his hips to control his movements. This will stop any awkward moments of gagging when giving blow job!

blow job tipsAvoid jaw ache – a big complaint of oral sex or blow job is that your mouth and jaw start to ache if it lasts to long. This is so easy to overcome: use a combination of hand and mouth for maximum effect. It’s like giving a hand job and oral at the same time: wrap your hand around the shaft and place your lips on the end, move your head and hand up and down at the same time. If you need a break you can just stroke his penis to give your jaw a rest before going again.

The sexiest technique in giving a blow job is actually to enjoy it. The more you look like you love what you are doing the more it will turn him on. And remember it’s not essential to swallow, have a tissue nearby and discreetly spit into it, he will be so post-orgasmic he won’t notice.