Orgasm Denial

A couple who want to explore new fields of erotic expression could consider orgasm denial. This intensely erotic sex game is indeed most suitable to two people who know and understand each other well. They should be familiar with one another’s limits and strengths. Because frankly, you can’t control what you have no true knowledge of. And this sexual practice is all about control. It has both strongly physical as well as psychological elements, which makes for maximized sexual tension in the bedroom.

Some say orgasm denial is an acquired skill. Apart from having an intimate knowledge of each other, you also have to actually know what you’re doing – the when and how. Because too little or too much, and too soon or too late, will not give the desired result and could ruin it all. For orgasm denial or orgasm control to be effective, you have to know your own body as well as your partner’s, and how one responds to certain stimulation and at what range.

What Does Orgasm Denial Entail?

Orgasm denial or orgasm control goes two ways. It can involve a lot of sexual frustration: one partner’s orgasm is controlled by another, who provides a high level of sexual stimulation/arousal for a continuous period without allowing said controlled partner to reach orgasm (though it is allowed eventually). On the other hand, a partner can also exert control by subjecting the controlled partner to multiple orgasms continuously.

Sometimes, a couple can decide to dabble in both. Stimulate, stop, stimulate. And then stimulate to the point of orgasm after which, it starts all over again. And when orgasm is reached, the controlled partner is put through it all as many more times and with many more orgasms as possible. In orgasm denial, the partner never gets to orgasm at all from stimulation, and can be left in that condition for days, weeks and even more as the play is continued over time. Both orgasm denial and control have one thing in common: to create the need for sexual relief. However, such relief is not finally afforded within the practice of orgasm denial.

Many believe orgasm denial to be unhealthy and suggest that a lover should not be denied orgasm for more than a week. I don’t usually enjoy telling couples what is or is not right to do, as sex is personal and based on your mutual understanding. However I’m all for safe practice in all forms of rough sex especially with ordinary couples who are exploring new experiences.

Let’s face it; couples tease each other all the time. So orgasm control is not that novel or exotic. It can be very technical however so it works best when there’s been loads of practice and it’s being carried out by a long-term couple.

The scenario is not so hard to imagine. One partner stimulates the other in gradual phases, using any kinds of means (sex toys, oral or even intercourse). Through this the controlled partner is brought to the phase where an orgasm is built up – only for the level of stimulation to be lessened or removed. Ouch! The feeling of “almost there” is suspended mid-completion, as the controlling partner varies intensity of stimulation, whether fast, slow, hard or soft.

Orgasm Denial and Orgasm Control
Orgasm Denial and Orgasm Control: Keep the partner wanting it, and about to but not quite getting it.

The goal: keep the partner wanting it, and about to but not quite getting it. Until you want them to, of course. It’s the ultimate sexual control game, because it centers on very strong urges: arousal, followed by need for release. This makes for a lot of potent play in the bedroom.

Taking a lover to that “plateau” state of orgasm suspension involves being able to read and correctly interpret their responses throughout the scene. Are they close? Or are they too far gone? Do I need to rev things up some more to get them just hanging off the edge? With time, the partner under control will have such an overpowering urge to orgasm that when it is finally achieved, it is much more explosive than normal. This is thanks to the intensified and extended arousal period allowed to accumulate before it’s finally gratified.

Trust and communication are very vital to this practice. Giving someone else a complete control over your sexual release requires a truly intimate bond. Some partners get so well practiced performing this play on their lovers that in time they become even better at stimulating a person’s orgasms than the person themselves.

Of course, during all this time the passive partner is undergoing powerful sexual sensations, and being put through prolonged arousal is quite tasking physically. This may drive the controlled partner to seek self-gratification. To prevent this there may be the need for restraints of some sort. The passive partner can be tied up to prevent them from touching themselves. Otherwise, simply putting up a total ban on it will be sufficient for a very obedient partner. However, if you want to take things up a notch then there are “chastity” devices for both sexes and are suitable for the duration of the activity.

This practice is one of the safest you can embark on while participating in rough sex. No one can really get hurt from orgasm denial or orgasm control, although the denial aspect cannot be considered wholesome for a normal couple just wanting a bit of spice in their normal sex life. You wouldn’t want to overdo anything and probably just want to keep things restricted to the duration of sexual activity and then return to everyday living.

The point is, ordinary couples love great sex too and will want to explore some wild and wicked ideas! The great thing about starting on orgasm denial or orgasm control is that you don’t really need new toys, dressing up or technique. It could be as simple as having intercourse with a partner and then withdrawing just when he/she is on the brink of orgasm. Or it could involve pleasuring your partner orally or manually and then continuously stopping at the point when the partner is on the very edge of release. Or if you wish to ramp it up, have your partner tied up (you can use silk stockings) and then stimulate him or her over an extended period without allowing relief through orgasm. And then as a reward for being so good, you may then give the go-ahead and finally bring things to a climax, so to speak. This scenario takes a lot of patience and can be as simple or complicated as you wish.

Controlling orgasms through teasing and delay is a powerful tool for creating super-charged sexual situations. It can go on for hours, and there’s bound to be lots of begging as the controlled partner tries to convince you to allow them to find release. Hopefully you aren’t going to give in so easily! Orgasm denial and orgasm control is one way to lead each other into a new sexual lifestyle that’s both delightful and satisfying. The passion, ardor and romance will be rekindled as you take on more erotic escapades and adventures.

Published by Rosie Raphaelle

Her mission is to show women how to have fun, safe and meaningful sex. Her sex tips articles has been published in many women's magazines.

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  1. Hi, I would like to add that orgasm denial for a woman in my opinion isn’t damaging to health , i haven’t had an orgasm for over two years and i can honestly say it has spiced up our sex life . We did experiment tease and denial but my husband really enjoyed the state of constant arousal it put me in not having orgasms so he now denies orgasm and it is a permanent denial . At first i was worried that i would fail and disappoint him but i am able to control myself , we are looking for some sort of hood that covers the clitoris but we do not like body piercings so restricted with this idea as the shields we have seen are metal and are held on with piercings and locks. We don’t want to go to this extreme but my husband does want me to wear a shield during the day while he is at work and wants me to sleep in one too so i am not tempted to play .
    Thanks for reading and if you have any ideas what i can use as a shield i would be grateful .

  2. This is an amazing article I’ve been doing this for a while with my boyfriend of several years and it’s completely changed our sex life, FOR THE BETTER! Ladies, do yourself a favor and search for the GENTLE SEDUCTRESS METHOD for your man. The experiences on her blog helped me keep my man under control while denying him an orgasm and even better, her posts helped me get him back under my control after I let him ‘release’. I really really started having fun with him after I read about ‘clean up’ and ‘trigger words’ those went perrrrrfect together, I just stayed super confident with him and that I knew exactly what I was doing!! Tease him like crazy ladies and he’ll be wrapped around your finger in bed like he is for me! So much fun!!! Can’t wait to get ahold of him!

  3. We have been married for 22 years, in our mid-forties now. I’m still crazy about her, and want to make love to my wife 10 times a day BUT once I ejaculate, my ability disappears for a couple of days… ooops. I read quite a bit about male orgasm denial in the last 2 years and now, I volunteer not to ejaculate (LOL if possible) so she can have good use of me sooner… 🙂
    Sarah, the Gentle Seductress blog is great!
    I honestly see that I’m a more attentive and agreeable man and husband when my orgasms don’t happen for a week or longer. We don’t take it to the extreme but on several occasions I lasted close to a month. Good times. Funny thing: she gets more interested in sex if I don’t ejaculate for a while (maybe because at those times I become more cooperative/submissive to her needs and wishes?).
    I love my wife dearly. We have 4 kids and are overall very happy. I admit that refraining from my orgasms, brought extra intimacy into our marriage. I’m all for it. (with or without fantasies / bdsm / etc)

  4. Over six years ago, my wife of 30 years decided that we would no longer have intercourse. Instead, almost daily, she orders me to masturbate while she watches. Sometimes she feels me with her hands, but mostly she orders me to do myself. But, I am not allowed to have an orgasm unless she gives permission. Once I get to the point just before an orgasm, she keeps me there for varying amounts of time, from a few seconds to a few minutes; it’s difficult but exciting. In almost all cases she then orders me to stop without an orgasm. My birthday and our anniversary are exactly six months apart, and she promised that she would allow my orgasm on at least those days, and maybe occasionally between those days, but I shouldn’t count on it. The longest I have gone so far between permissions is 4+ months; the average is one or two months. Of course, I help her have orgasms much more frequently with a vibrator and my fingers. WE LOVE THIS SETUP. I like feeling submissive to my wife, and she likes the attention. When I am allowed to have an orgasm, it is outstanding and mind-blowing!

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