Friends with Benefits

Ah, the old adage, friends with benefits. Is it really possible and what are the consequences? Does a full and binding contract need to be signed by each party before embarking on this new endeavor together to unchartered territory? Can’t find Mr Right but are open to Mr Right Now? Follow the below pros and cons to help you decide if having a Friend with benefits will benefit you.

The Old Friend

You’ve known each other for years. Seen each other go through lovers and break-ups and supported each other during the ups and the downs. Maybe you once had a slight crush on one another which faded over time and developed in to a deep admiration and a brotherly and sisterly love. Yet how do you go about approaching your old buddy about a Friends with Benefits proposition? Well it depends on just how close you are to begin with.

If the subject of sex is normal banter between the two of you it probably isn’t as hard as it may seem to strike up the old how bout it (nudge, nudge, wink, wink) followed by a cheeky grin. Obviously you are both alone and perhaps well in to your second bottle of wine.Chances are he has already thought of it many times before and can’t believe his lucky day! But if he turns you down… it’s all good. You can always blame it on the vino.

Pros

  • This is a man who will respect you. Who will be just as nervous as you will be the first time and will ‘make love’ to you rather than just pounding at you.
  • It can be your little secret. Your own little private world you share together.
  • It can strengthen your friendship and benefit in more ways than one, as long as you both know your boundaries and understand that it’s not permanent, it will end and you will both move on to other people.
  • It’s a liberating experience. Two friends who love each other and experiencing together what nature intended.

Cons

  • The blatantly obvious; someone gets hurt. Chances are that for a fair share of friends who have been brave enough to go down this track have experienced this before.
  • If this is someone who you already have a crush on, you could be setting yourself up for a rather big fall. Offering no strings attached on a platter to your ‘crush’ can backfire. Do you really want to be waiting at home for him, pining for him to come to you, checking and re-checking your phone to see if he’s texted when he’s likely to be out on the town, taking his sweet time to come home to you because he knows he can. Save yourself the hassle and heartache. This is not what friends with benefits are!
  • It’s horrifyingly awful! Your kiss is awkward and his tongue is like a big fat wet willy in your ear. He can’t take off your bra and you knee him in the nether region. Rhythm? There is no rhythm, it’s a battle zone. The next day you are bruised and battered and so is your friendship. You never look at each other the same.
  • You are gob smacked by his manhood and not in a good way. You wonder if you are ever going to feel anything and there after are forever stuck in a state of torment, wanting to share this insightful news with your girlfriends or keeping your silence for the sake of you friend.

The One Night Stand

You met in a drunken haze or flirted outrageously all night. The sex was good so what the hell, you may as well do it again, he could potentially be the perfect Friends with Benefits.

Pros

  • He’s a nice guy. It’s convenient and discreet. The sex gets better and better.
  • A new number for your little black book. There can be big gaps between liaisons with no explanation required. The fundamental choice for the busy woman looking to fit her Friends with Benefits around her hectic life.
  • You become friends and can share a meal and conversation before getting down to business. Easy come, easy go.

Cons

  • It wasn’t actually that fantastic the first time round but you decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and give it another whirl. Unfortunately it was just as bad as the first time.
  • He’s unreliable. He cancels at the last minute or thinks he can call you drunk at 4 am any morning.
  • He has a girlfriend. Sad but true.

The Internet Guy

You’re sick of drunk guys grabbing your arse with the impression that is a conversation starter, or there are just no available men in your life.

Pros

  • There’s never been a better way to meet men whilst sitting in your pyjama’s looking like absolute shit. An endless catalogue of potential sexual suitors at your finger tips.
  • You meet some new and different people that you wouldn’t ordinarily meet. You live vicariously through the lives of the brilliant yet tortured artist, the passionate yet disillusioned lead singer of some god horrid rock band, or the hot surfer. Sure every second word he says is ‘babe’ and he can only speak one sentence at a time, but he’s hot and you love his body.

Cons

  • You never really know who you’re meeting on the internet. Sure it’s common place these days, however caution and common sense should always be exercised. Especially when meeting men primarily for sex.
  • They are all freaks and you don’t connect with anybody making you feel like it was all just a big fat waste of time.
  • You may not know what you’re getting yourself in for. Your internet suitor may arrive decked out in a full bodied S & M with whips and chains whilst you were only thinking of a modest slap and tickle. Be clear of your intentions and expectations before meeting.

Friends With Benefits Conclusion

So there you have it. Don’t believe everything you read about Friends with Benefits only benefiting men. If you’re smart enough to have a career, pay a mortgage or travel the world on your own, chances are you’re intelligent enough to know what’s best for you and when a relationship is ‘real’ or when it’s just sex.

Published by Rosie Raphaelle

Her mission is to show women how to have fun, safe and meaningful sex. Her sex tips articles has been published in many women's magazines.

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