BDSM

BDSM stands for “Bondage And Discipline, Dominance And Submission”. It involves one person taking the role of sadist (the dominant) who takes pleasure in the infliction, pain and humiliation of another. And the masochist, (the submissive), who takes pleasure in receiving the pain.

Often misunderstood, and despite its many misconceptions, BDSM submission is very commonly practiced by even the most ‘regular’ of people, in very ‘normal’ relationships. Usually though it is associated with individuals who are highly educated, creative, greatly sexed or sexually sophisticated individuals who have entertained these fantasies since puberty.

Practiced at varying levels, it can be anything from a subtle sensation (like the feel of a silk scarf draped across the skin) to very intense sensations (perceived as pain) like a heavy flogging or caning scene. These acts may or may not be sexual in nature, depending on the nature of the relationship(s) and the mood of the participants.

The draw to BDSM is the combination of emotional and chemical satisfaction that is so stimulating for the participants. Simply some people are just turned on, or are not fully satisfied in their very being without the feeling of sexual dominance or intense satisfaction of submitting to their master. It can be described as being like an opioid sensation on the body, where certain erogenous zones respond with a drug like effect when being struck or subdued.

BDSM Submission

To the outsider, BDSM may appear frightening and non-consensual, however it is really the most consensual sex of all. Couples who practice BDSM have a shared desire to take part in each role and geth their bondage fix, and there is an enormous amount of preparation, planning and an agreement of safe words beforehand.

Having a relationship that involves sex and sadism is actually incredibly deep and supremely intimate because it’s the very nature of BDSM that forces a deeper level of communication between couples. And it enables them to connect with each other’s darkest and most powerful desires within a safe and loving environment.

The main difference between BDSM and regular relationships is that while ‘normal’ relationships certainly can be passionate, they don’t usually have the degree of communication and safe discussion of sex or understanding each partner’s limits before sex. Usually couples in traditional sexual relationships just go for it with little or no discussion. This can actually lead to a lack of true intimacy where both parties are filled with comprise with neither actually getting what they want.

When it comes to BDSM it really is just a case of different strokes for different folks but it is the very beauty and yet contradictory elements of a BDSM relationship that what makes it so fascinating and so addictive for those who mutually consent to it. Because when you strip all of the leather and the infliction and receiving of pain back, at the very core of any BDSM relationship is actually a solid foundation of trust and love between partners.

BDSM Terminology

The Top –  The ‘Top’ is either the dominate male who is referred to as the ‘master’, or the female dominate who is referred to as the ‘mistress’ and/or (dominatrix) The Top, is the person who is in control and carrying out each BDSM act, on the bottom (the submissive) It’s important to understand that in this context, the enjoyment from inflicting pain (sadism) is vastly different from brutal sadism or ‘real’ sadists who do not care if their victim is suffering and have no ethics or morality around the issue of consent.

The Bottom –  The ‘bottom’ who is the sadist or masochist, is the submissive person to whom an assortment of BDSM acts are carried out on. Both submissive males and females are referred to as subs or slaves. Other common terms include ‘slave boy’ for males and ‘slave girl’ for females. The bottom may also be directed to perform various acts for the pleasure of the top. Some women who enjoy female sexual submission naturally fall in to this role when they have a strong need to be dominated by their man.

The Switch – In BDSM Submission, the ‘switch’ is a person who interchanges between playing the roles of the top and bottom. Depending on the mood, who else is involved, or any number of other factors (e.g., a bottom may be directed to be a top to someone else, and so in that scene would be a switch)

Published by Rosie Raphaelle

Her mission is to show women how to have fun, safe and meaningful sex. Her sex tips articles has been published in many women's magazines.

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