If a G.I. Joe Extreme action figure were a real man, he’d have a 55-inch chest and 27-inch biceps. The average male’s chest is 36 inches. His biceps are only about 12 inches around. And you thought measuring up to Barbie was tough?As women, many of us spend a lot of time trying to figure out how to get perkier breasts, slim down our waists, plump our lips and enlarge breasts naturally. But while we’re obsessing over physical perfection, we fail to notice that a lot of men in our lives are chasing after it themselves. In fact, some of them are doing some pretty crazy things to look good. Don’t believe us? Check out this list. We guarantee you’ll change your mind.
20 Strange and Scary Things Men Do to Look Good
1. Ball Ironing. When an Esquire reporter asked George Clooney in 2008 if he’d had any work done, the star said he’d never had an eyelift. “I did get my balls done, though,” George said. “I got them unwrinkled. It’s the new thing in Hollywood – ball ironing.” Apparently it’s a craze that’s catching on with men who want to restore some of the original luster to their family jewels.
2. Pec Implants. The same surgical techniques that help women get bigger breasts can be used to expand a man’s chest too. But these aren’t exactly breast implants for men. They’re pectoral implants designed to help guys look like they could rip their T-shirts simply by flexing.
3. Leg Lengthening. In order to be tall, dark and handsome, you have to start by being tall, but there’s an expensive and painful quick fix for shorter men. We’re talking about leg-lengthening. During a series of surgeries, doctors break leg bones and implant rods. New bone tissue slowly grows to connect the two pieces, resulting in additional height. One man in New York used the procedure to “grow” a full six inches.
4. Synthol Injections. Synthol is a liquid containing oil and other various ingredients, and many bodybuilders inject it directly into specific muscles to increase their size temporarily. Sometimes Synthol use is hard to spot. Other times, men go overboard and end up looking like their arms have been stuffed with water balloons.
5. Abdominal Etching. At Triactol headquarters, we know that a breast lift workout or a serious squat regimen can have some pretty impressive effects on your body. Most men know this too, but not all of them are willing to put in the hard work that’s necessary to achieve washboard abs. Instead, some men are now opting for “abdominal etching,” a targeted liposuction procedure that creates the illusion of a rock-hard six-pack.
6. Ab Enhancer. Some men who can’t afford professional liposuction rely on products like the Ab Enhancer instead. The “as-seen-on-T.V.” product is essentially a plastic grid that you strap to your stomach. Wear it for a while and you’ll create six square impressions where your abs would be. It’s temporary, of course, and users must come up with a convincing medical reason for why abs would be sitting on top of a beer gut.
7. Secret Weights. While some men avoid the gym at all costs, others take the gym everywhere they go by wearing body weights underneath their clothing. Lugging around 50 extra pounds under your khakis all day takes strength, sure. But this muscle-building trend seems pretty obsessive, doesn’t it?
8. Chest Toupees. Some men who are genetically unable to grow hair on their chests are now channeling their inner Burt Reynolds with chest hair toupees. Men, don’t wear one to the wave pool. What if it detaches? Think of the children.
9. Scarification. Scarification, the intentional creation of scars in a pattern or design, is an ancient art. African tribes and other indigenous cultures have done it for thousands of years, and for many men in these cultures it’s still a rite of passage. The practice is gaining popularity in the Western world as well: tattoo artists are beginning to offer scarification as form of body modification.
10. Hair Tattoos. Celebrity Hairdresser Adee Phelan from Manchester, England is the pioneer of a new technique he calls MHT scalp pigmentation. MHT (it stands for “micro hair technique”) uses tiny ink dots of varying shades to mimic the look of a buzz cut. The procedure costs nearly $4,000.
11. Spray-On Hair. If you owned a television in the ‘90s, you probably remember some pretty ridiculous infomercials. One of the most absurd was for a product called CLH, which was pretty much spray paint for bald spots. Similar products are still floating around, and a small portion of the male population still uses them.
12. Penis Pumps. Women may go to great lengths to get bigger breasts, but some men will do just about anything to get bigger penises. One of the most popular male enhancement device is the penis pump – a device that requires the user to stick his manhood in a vacuum chamber and pump it up like it’s an old basketball. Did someone say sexy?
13. Penile Implants. Just like some women would rather go under the knife than try to get bigger boobs naturally, for some men penis pumps and other male enhancement systems simply aren’t enough. These men opt for penile implants to improve look, feel or functionality.
14. Fire Cupping. This ancient form of Chinese medicine uses glass bulbs and fire to create suction on a patient’s skin for the purpose of increasing blood flow and removing toxins. Many men around the world practice fire cupping, including tennis star Andy Murray. They believe the practice can ease pain, reduce stress and even restore vitality, helping men look and feel years younger.
15. Chinplants. Almost 20,700 Americans underwent chin surgery in 2011, and the numbers continue to rise each year. The surgery is especially popular among men, because even weak-chinned guys can walk out with a jawline that would make Batman jealous.
16. Steroids. It’s common knowledge that bodybuilders and other athletes sometimes abuse anabolic steroids, but few people understand how dangerous this practice can be. Steroid abuse can cause liver toxicity, heart attacks, strokes, psychosis and even death. That’s a big price to pay just to look buff.
17. Hand Fillers. Bony hands can really show your age. To turn back the hands of time, men are using an injectable filler called Restylane to make their hands look smoother and more youthful.
18. Ear Pinning. Ear pinning surgeries secure ears closer to the skull, making them less prominent. These procedures are becoming increasingly popular among men, and parents of boys as young as eight are using the surgery to help their children escape the torment of bullies.
19. Double Eyelids. Double-eyelid surgery, or “blepharoplasty,” is becoming popular among Asian men who want a more “Western” look. Several male Korean pop stars have spoken about having the surgery, a fact that could account for the increased acceptance of the procedure within the male community.
20. Bee Stings. Bee venom facials are gaining a following in spas. The venom contains melittin, a compound that causes allergic reactions and pain when you’re stung by a bee but which also causes the body to produce extra collagen and increase circulation. This creates an anti-aging effect, and some men believe it provides a youthful “boost” to other areas as well. To increase length and girth, size-conscious men are applying bee and wasp venom to their penises, and some men are going a step further: they’re allowing live bees to sting their most sensitive areas. Ouch!
More and more guys are relying on products, procedures and surgeries to help improve their appearance, but these practices are still somewhat taboo to talk about. So the next time you’re reading an article about how to enlarge breasts naturally or get perkier breasts and a rounder butt with the help of a surgeon, don’t expect your guy to share X-rays of his pec implants or complain about how the manufacturer discontinued his favorite color of spray-on hair. Your man could secretly be doing some pretty drastic things to look good, but if he is, he’s probably not going to talk about it.
So at dinner tonight, take a tip from us tell your guy that he looks great, that you love him just the way he is. Believe it or not, guys need to hear these things too! Then share the love by posting a comment to tell us about one of your guy’s natural attributes, one that you find incredibly handsome or sexy.